Estoy colgado como un caballo

A framed pencil drawing seems like a pretty innocent search. I thought so. I googled it up and clicked on Google shopping. What is one of the first images I see? Guermillo and his giant schlong right in my face! Umm, thanks but not what I was looking for. The artist claims that this drawing is "almost life-like in nature". If so, the real life Guermillo is one odd shaped dude. Freaky face, massive shoulders, unibrow, smooshed nose, no navel and an obscene unit topped off by an out of control plush of steel wool. $200 or make an offer. How about I offer to put Guermillo in the garbage?

NSFW full frontal after the jump..

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=290406993733&rvr_id=&crlp=1_263602_263622&UA=WXI7&GUID=89dfa1ac1260a04370e79cc7ffffbd98&itemid=290406993733&ff4=263602_263622

Renaissance cloaks as modeled by tuckers

So you run your own medieval jousting competitions, eh? Wow. Sounds like fun. You make your own equipment or buy it? You say you make it? Ah, that explains my issues finding jousting lances for sale. Tried every reenactment site on the web with no luck. Found wench wear, chainmail, pirate wear, colonial wear, you name it I found it. Found some cloaks. Cloaks that are worn by mannequin tuckers. Creepy mannequin tuckers. Mind scar for the day, check.

http://www.cloakrenaissance.com/buy_costumes.aspx

Bovine Perversions

I was looking for a cow shaped candle holder. I thought that I struck gold when I found a website called Simply Bovine. There is quite an assortment of cow themed items for sale here. Not so many candle holders but if you happen to be into the slightly perverted cow themed items, then here you go. A cow thermometer that screams out, "Scooch down to the end of the table, Bessie, this will be over in a minute." And yes, I said ew too.

http://www.simplybovine.com/products/cow_thermometer.php

A chilly redwood va-jay-jay

You would think that finding reasonably priced "redwood sculpture" for sale online would be a cake walk, no? No is the keyword. Redwood is pricey and sculpture is in the eye of the beholder. Most of it looks like someone hacked at a tree and called it art. Search for a cheap redwood sculpture. Keep clicking links. Keep clicking. Wait, what the hell is this? It's sculpture I guess. The artist's last name is Redwood. That is where the matching ends for I have happened upon something called "Winter Vagina Open to the Sky". WTF hell is this and why? Winter is cold and I don't want my va-jay-jay exposed to its sky, thanks though. Maybe the artist is overheated or having a not so fresh moment and needed to air things out. Do it on your own time Ms. Redwood, your va-jay-jay is not welcome in the workplace.

Remember these?

I bet my brother does. He caught one between the toes in the 70's because we were the kids playing yard darts barefoot. Let a 7 year old and a 9 year old out in the yard alone to throw giant metal darts across the lawn at each other and accidents are bound to happen! I can't recall if he ran in the house with the yard dart dangling from his foot or if we pulled it out before going inside. Either way, our mother freaked out and we were in big trouble.

I decided to do a search to see if they still existed. Lots of "vintage" sets out there and a couple of warnings that would have come in handy 30 years ago!

When you Google "baby alligator taxidermy"

First you find out from the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission that it is "unlawful to sell any alligator product manufactured in the form of a stuffed baby alligator...". (This is my job. I look for the things that people had in their houses before they had a fire, flood, etc.) I move on to Google shopping and I find "A Cabinet of Curiosities". Curious only begins to describe this thing. It is gross, obscenely overpriced and full of little taxidermied animals and misc animal parts. According to the creator however, it is "chock full of goodies". I guess goodies is all in the eye of the beholder. You be the judge.

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=24380972

So...how was yerday?

How was yerday? We're going to show you how ours was by sharing our daily random diversions. Days spent surfing the internet for work yields many many surprises. Some are welcome and fun and some are freaky, odd and leave you wondering wtf.

Welcome and stay tuned!